The icey winds spun crisp orange leaves along the floor. I stood into the cold and made my way further along the dimly lit passage way. Rounded chippings crunched together beneath my feet. Branches from dead, sollumnn trees curved and twisted and tangled above me. The journey I'd once known as familiar, now warped, was no longer safe nor the playful place I remember.
The stones soon became marshland and wind now howling. I came to a gate hanging on a single hinge and collapsing beneath the weight of the rain: this was alien to me. I clambered onto it, squealing beneath me as though being pulled apart, the gate began to crack. I dived onto solid ground again-normality. My heart pounding, I arrived at the opening. The air was still, this land was barron. I walked on into the land I thought used to be beauty, memories from my happy childhood once occured here. Now, it was one of war-dead mans land.
Some great descriptive moments here, the opening sentence a particular triumph. You've had a good crack at twisting the language a little and adding in clauses which has been largely successful. Be careful to read back and check that those phrases definitely fit together. The opening sentence of paragraph two doesn't quite work. Also, keep an eye on repeated words - 'land' appears twice is quick succession making the second seem a little clunky.
ReplyDeleteI haven't quite figured out which journey it relates to, but this is a great attempt at dramatic description.